S1, E1: Pilot

Dudes. This is my first blog. Welcome. Hello. Chao. Jambo. Hola. I’m your host, Michelle! I don’t really know how to introduce myself to you or to this blog because I’ve never done this before, but I guess here’s a photo of me drinking a Fanta in Europe. But like, have you ever had a Fanta in Europe because it’s the best thing to ever touch your lips. Tastes totally different than Fanta in the U.S. IT’S THE BUBBLES. /endrant.

I would have named this blog bitches gotta eat, but Samantha Irby already coined that and let’s be honest: She. Is. Queen. If you haven’t already, read her blog and books for endless laughs.

Okay, back to it. I think I blacked out after my rant about Fanta. Let me start by saying I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m not a writer. I’m not an expert on food. I literally just like to eat. Food has always been that thing that has brought my family together and some of my fondest memories revolve around food. I remember growing up, we would gather in my grandma’s small house for thịt kho after church every Sunday. And on those Sundays when grandma was too lazy to cook for us all we’d all go to the McDonald’s on Army Post and have a shit load of chicken nuggets and fries. We were all probably contracting tetanus in that ball pit, but who cares. The memories, guys. The memories.

Math problem for ya’ll.

Five families walk into McDonalds on a Sunday at noon. Each family has an average of three kids. Kids are mad hungry and screaming that they want a happy meal, but the deals are so much better when you buy the 20 piece nugget (don’t forget the sweet and sour sauce). How many nuggets and fries are necessary to sufficiently feed the clan on a budget, WHILE ALSO making sure Hilary’s not throwing a tantrum on that nasty ass playroom floor? Show your work. Extra credit for free food thrown in.

Or how about the time I went out with friends at High Life Lounge and was still hungry after leaving. We drove around hoping to find something open at midnight and stumbled upon a sketch truck under a tall construction light selling some bomb ass southern food. We walked up to that truck and said “whaddya got?” and ordered $20 worth of chicken, collard greens, mac & cheese. Mmm! And you bet, we ate that food in my car like fat kids.

What I’m trying to get at is, how many of your memories are linked to food? I think everyone can relate to that or think back on a memory where food was involved. I know that #foodporn and documenting your food has become really trendy in the past few years and it’s all about gettin’ them likes, but that’s not why I’m starting this.

My family and I are incredibly close. My grandma had 10 kids; everyone is married with at least two to four kids. See photo below. We’re always eating. Always. Ask any of my friends. My stories when I’m with my family are always us together, eating. We started this thing any time we would get together in a different city or after it’s been awhile of seeing each other, where we would order a bunch of different food and restaurant hop. We started calling it ‘Food Tours’. The more we did this, the more people would respond or ask ‘Where is that?’ ‘Omg, that looks delicious! I have to go there!’ I even had people ask if we had paid for the tour, as if it was some official, well-established thing. So we talked about how it'd be a great way of documenting those memories together, while also letting others experience it themselves too.

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Let me get this kicked off by telling you what you can expect and what this blog will not be.

1. I stated that I am not a writer. I am creative. I have a fairly decent vocabulary and can tell you when you should and shouldn’t use an en dash, em dash, and hyphen (Thanks, Dawn! You’re forever my spirit animal and the content editor I will always need in my life), but there may be an occasional grammatical or spelling error. My sentences may not flow as smoothly as a well-versed storyteller or rap genius would, but Ima try. Please bear with me and call me out on my shit. I love honesty.

2. This will only include restaurants and food that is affordable and in anyone’s price range. We’re asian. We’re cheap. And we’re always out there lookin’ for the best deals or bargaining for more food. Popeyes, I see you.

3. There will be some gourmet shit. There will be some basic shit. Listen, I love me some truffle fries, but I also love me some Tortinos pizza rolls, smothered in ranch dressing. We eat it all over here.

4. This blog may only have posts once every few months. I’m recently moved to Chicago and am still finding my way (miss u fam). Food tours are best done in groups, and I still only have like 4 friends in Chicago. Unless, I get a 100 followers, then I’ll do what I have to to please the fans. (P.S. My Asia tour starts today so there will be some great international food tours coming your way!)

5. You WILL get some guest appearances by various family members or friends who do their own food tours. I promise they’re funnier and better at writing than I am.

6. Drool-worthy photos will absolutely be included.

7. I will back-track to past food tours because I’m still having meat sweats about those meals.

8. And finally, this will NOT be good for your cholesterol or your health, but damn will it be tasty and amazing.

I believe I’ve done enough rambling, and I probably lost half the readers after my rant about Fanta. For those of you still here, thank you. I like you. I love you. Can we be friends? Jk, but really I need more friends (clearly). Subscribe and feel free to reach out, comment, ask questions, lick your screen. Whatever makes your little heart happy and your bellies full.

Peace up, A Town down,

—michelle